striving for perfection and failing miserably...

Okay wow I am so sorry for whoever read this post. Complain much? Jeez. I can only chalk it up too that I was super tired and in a lot of pain and I wanted to complain. I should have never posted what I wrote though it was just too negative. We just got back from cali and before that bear lake so I will definitely be posting on that soon!!

This has got to stop

Okay so I never understood why people went private with their blog. I mean everyone probably has their own individual reasons, right? Well now I have my own reason. It all started with random comments on my blog, and all these comments would have no words just links. I really didn't think anything of it until I followed one of the links. Yep it was a nasty asian porn site. My 5 year old son plays games on this computer and although I am in the room with him when he does I never want to chance him coming across something like that. This is my own personal FAMILY blog, one where I update family and friends about what is going on in our lives. It makes me sad that I feel targeted for something like that and obviously quite angry. I work at a place where so many people come in with addictions for stuff like this and it has quite literally ruined their lives and you know what? A lot of them all say it started when they were young. Not 5 years old kind of young but more like 9-12, but still. Now I changed the comments to be moderated so that no one can comment without my approval and that was a few months ago. I still feel uneasy about the whole thing though. Now I am going private, I will be sad though I have come in contact with people that I haven't talked too or seen forever. I am going to leave this up for a little while. Just leave you email for a comment or email me your email. A little bit of an angry post I know but it had to be done!

Anyone want to get to know moi!

I should be in bed, sleeping. But gosh darnit I just love to do these tags.
What is your biggest pet peeve?
umm. I can't think of one right now. Oh wait, when people pester me about having another kid. I will have one when I am good and ready and not until then.

what makes you laugh out loud?
My hubby. He makes me laugh everyday.

What is your favorite book and why?
I love the book The Help. I loved the storyline and how inspiring and empowering it was for women and what difference we can make in others lives.

If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? Why?
My eyesight. I am blind, seriously.

What is your favorite time of day? Why?
late at night when everyones asleep. I love the peace and quiet.

Worst household chore?
putting away folded clothes. Don't ask me why but I love to do laundry and fold it but I hate putting away. The result is clean clothes in the laundry basket getting dumped out and then I can't remember whats clean or not so I end up washing the clean clothes again. I know what a waste.

Favorite person to talk too?
This is a hard one because I love to talk. I am going to say my mom just because she is an amazing listener and always has great advice for me.

What do you spend your $ on? (ex. Clothes, jewelry, shoes, home décor?) and what is your favorite purchase?
uhhh can I say supplements and therapy for brighton? That is where most of our extra money goes. After that I would definetely say clothes. Although I haven't really bought anything new in a long time. My favorite purchase would be a new back door we really need one!

a love for something insignificant.

Love for meat

I don't usually love--for meat that is.

I don't love or rather much dislike bones

so how do I love something that I really don't like.

Easy, get someone else to do it for me.

This post is brought to you by none other than costco's rotisserie chicken, which obviously I have developed a deep albeit little weird Love for.

What is the right answer?

Oh my little bri bri, I love this kid to pieces. He is improving so much, he now is testing at his age range for speech YAY! Having an autistic child is a constant unknown battle. The constancy lies in the fact that they will always need help, therapy and supplements. The unknown part is that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to a child on the spectrum. There are so many different things you can do ex. biomedical, speech, occupational, IBI, ABA, sensory integration therapy, and the list could go on. You can do them all-if you can afford it- or in my case decide which is the most important right now and focus on those. Recently we had brighton on B-12 shots that were supposed to jump start a lot of things, but no dice. Nothing happened. I really did not see any improvement of eye contact, emotional, and speech. I am so disappointed. From what I heard these shots were awesome, most people saw an amazing difference in their child. AAAHHH!!! What do we do now? Back to the drawing board I suppose. Yes, brighton is very mild and I thank my lucky stars for that but I really feel like as he gets older a lot of the things that he struggles with will become so much more apparent. So, I ask myself what is the right answer, and the answer is there is no right answer I just have to trust my instincts, keep praying for inspiration and trust that I am brighton's mom for a reason.

worst purchase ever!

This is how I feel when I think of our situation right now. Did anyone ever buy a car that you have completely regretted afterwards? We have this jetta that for the first few years we owned it, it wasn't so bad. We bought it when we were poor college kids so obviously it was used. But I have had used cars before and they have been great. This particular car is a total dud.

After many trips to mechanic to keep it running we have been trying to sell it for the past 6 months, but it will not pass emissions. So we have been going back and forth sell it anywhere outside of spanish fork through ogden or try and trade it in, etc. We decided to sell it in logan where matts sister lives because you did not need emissions and it can pass safety.

Well last night our door bell rings and it is a police officer saying the sandy pd had called him to find out if we are going to register the car and where it is. We told him it was at big o tires just a few minutes from our house and we asked if anything was wrong. He had no idea. As soon as the kids were in bed matt drove over there we had a ticket for expired registration and perpendicular parking(what the crap is that?)The icing on the cake someone totally broke in the drivers side window, they stole nothing because there is nothing to steal. Now we have to replace that. AAAHHHH!!!

I hate this car. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Just had to get that off of my chest.

On the up side isn't this the cutest pic of my kids and their cousins on my side we took these a few months ago and I never posted them. CUTIES!

Honesty!

So I got this award from beck and now I have to tell 10 honest things about myself. Here we go.

1. I am constantly worried that I am pregnant. Just look in my bathroom at any given time and I will have a box of pregnancy tests just ready to be taken. Now don't worry mom I do want more kids just not right now.

2. I love my job. I look forward to going and hanging out with my co-workers ,oh and working. Really my job is busy, I just work for LDS family services as a receptionist. That is just a title I have answered more weird phone calls than I care to remember, listened to mom's cry about their children attempting suicide, deal with somewhat crazy people-my co-workers that is, found ph #'s for out of state parents for their children who are addicts and they can no longer take care of them, its insane but once again I love it.

3. I read constantly. I think it drives matt a little crazy how much I love to read. Right now at the library I have 3 books on hold and I will probably read those in a weeks time.

4. I sing to my kids. Really, I am always singing anything that comes to mind. I want my kids to love music as much as I do. My mom was awesome about this, always exposing my and my siblings to all different kinds of music. Right now I am listening to Across the Universe soundtrack, love it!

5. My main hobby is working out. Some people are crafty or do all kinds of amazing things and if I can think of one of the main things that I love to do day in and day out is working out! ha I rhymed.

6. I am always hot at night. I think I developed this since I have had kids. But seriously I sweat at night. I have horrible circulation and am cold any other time. but I can't wear warm clothing at night or I wake up and have to change because its too uncomfortable.

7. My leg is asleep right now.

8. I love holistic medicine. Now don't think I am some hippy who thinks that modern medicine doesn't work. I would have to say I am right in the middle. I think there are amazing things from both sides and that both types of medicine's working together can make you the healthiest.

9. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. Old neighbors, roomates, friends from high school, and family even. I try somewhat, I don't know what it is but it is just not a strong point of mine.

10. I am competitive. Play any game with me and you will see immediately that I want to win. I think I inherited this from my family. One time we were playing a game while one vacation and it was boys against girls and we got in so big of a fight that I didn't talk to my brothers for a couple of hours so I could cool down. Yikes! Oh and I was 18 at the time so I can't blame it on being a kid.

Hey that was fun. I nominate des, kim and kamilla do this. Oh and if nanon actually logs on sometime soon it would be cool to see hers too.