I love cooking.

I am going to be making a this

this

and some of this

All because of here  and because I have so many of these

My mouth is drooling!

Summer lovin...

What have the bells been up to this summer? I mean really, well we have done a lot of this

Hiking that is, oh and we have done a lot of that...

Vacations that is...DISNEYLAND!

.

Oh and just a little swimming. We did do a lot of other vacations but of course forgot to take pics' or bring my camera for that matter so these will just have to do.

Pretty please?

Will my two boys stop growing please? I know we all have to grow older and with that comes good things, for example my little ez would be potty trained, but really they are so sweet and love to give me hugs, cuddles and kisses and I know that it will not always be that way so stop it now!

look how far we've come!

Oh sadness. I was organizing all of our folders and looking through them and such. I got to Brighton's folder and let me tell you its big. We've kept all of his diagnoses, IEP, recommended therapies, everything. I started reading when he was first diagnosed and I relived all those old memories. The pain, devastation, and the unknown of what was too come. What did PDD-NOS mean? How would it change our lives? What did it mean for Brighton? Would he be able to live a normal life, get married, or even have friends? Those were some pretty depressing days. Ezra was only 6 months old and I felt so much pressure to do something but I had limited amount of time-with a baby especially, resources and knowledge. Then I look to where we are now. There is so much hope, brighton just had another breakthrough--he has regressed these past couple of weeks being so much more easily provoked, and very very aggressive. Poor ez, he is the brunt of a lot of that. A lot of the time when there is regression though that means they are about to breakthrough another milestone. The past few days he has been talking like crazy though, and all of it is relevant. No mumbling, no repetitions, when asked to do something he does it! He actually does the thing that I have asked him and he wants to help me. I know he will always have setbacks, but every kid has those. Brighton is so special and such an amazing kid with an amazing heart. I am so absolutely grateful for him and would not have it any other way!

striving for perfection and failing miserably...

Okay wow I am so sorry for whoever read this post. Complain much? Jeez. I can only chalk it up too that I was super tired and in a lot of pain and I wanted to complain. I should have never posted what I wrote though it was just too negative. We just got back from cali and before that bear lake so I will definitely be posting on that soon!!

This has got to stop

Okay so I never understood why people went private with their blog. I mean everyone probably has their own individual reasons, right? Well now I have my own reason. It all started with random comments on my blog, and all these comments would have no words just links. I really didn't think anything of it until I followed one of the links. Yep it was a nasty asian porn site. My 5 year old son plays games on this computer and although I am in the room with him when he does I never want to chance him coming across something like that. This is my own personal FAMILY blog, one where I update family and friends about what is going on in our lives. It makes me sad that I feel targeted for something like that and obviously quite angry. I work at a place where so many people come in with addictions for stuff like this and it has quite literally ruined their lives and you know what? A lot of them all say it started when they were young. Not 5 years old kind of young but more like 9-12, but still. Now I changed the comments to be moderated so that no one can comment without my approval and that was a few months ago. I still feel uneasy about the whole thing though. Now I am going private, I will be sad though I have come in contact with people that I haven't talked too or seen forever. I am going to leave this up for a little while. Just leave you email for a comment or email me your email. A little bit of an angry post I know but it had to be done!

Anyone want to get to know moi!

I should be in bed, sleeping. But gosh darnit I just love to do these tags.
What is your biggest pet peeve?
umm. I can't think of one right now. Oh wait, when people pester me about having another kid. I will have one when I am good and ready and not until then.

what makes you laugh out loud?
My hubby. He makes me laugh everyday.

What is your favorite book and why?
I love the book The Help. I loved the storyline and how inspiring and empowering it was for women and what difference we can make in others lives.

If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? Why?
My eyesight. I am blind, seriously.

What is your favorite time of day? Why?
late at night when everyones asleep. I love the peace and quiet.

Worst household chore?
putting away folded clothes. Don't ask me why but I love to do laundry and fold it but I hate putting away. The result is clean clothes in the laundry basket getting dumped out and then I can't remember whats clean or not so I end up washing the clean clothes again. I know what a waste.

Favorite person to talk too?
This is a hard one because I love to talk. I am going to say my mom just because she is an amazing listener and always has great advice for me.

What do you spend your $ on? (ex. Clothes, jewelry, shoes, home décor?) and what is your favorite purchase?
uhhh can I say supplements and therapy for brighton? That is where most of our extra money goes. After that I would definetely say clothes. Although I haven't really bought anything new in a long time. My favorite purchase would be a new back door we really need one!

a love for something insignificant.

Love for meat

I don't usually love--for meat that is.

I don't love or rather much dislike bones

so how do I love something that I really don't like.

Easy, get someone else to do it for me.

This post is brought to you by none other than costco's rotisserie chicken, which obviously I have developed a deep albeit little weird Love for.

What is the right answer?

Oh my little bri bri, I love this kid to pieces. He is improving so much, he now is testing at his age range for speech YAY! Having an autistic child is a constant unknown battle. The constancy lies in the fact that they will always need help, therapy and supplements. The unknown part is that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to a child on the spectrum. There are so many different things you can do ex. biomedical, speech, occupational, IBI, ABA, sensory integration therapy, and the list could go on. You can do them all-if you can afford it- or in my case decide which is the most important right now and focus on those. Recently we had brighton on B-12 shots that were supposed to jump start a lot of things, but no dice. Nothing happened. I really did not see any improvement of eye contact, emotional, and speech. I am so disappointed. From what I heard these shots were awesome, most people saw an amazing difference in their child. AAAHHH!!! What do we do now? Back to the drawing board I suppose. Yes, brighton is very mild and I thank my lucky stars for that but I really feel like as he gets older a lot of the things that he struggles with will become so much more apparent. So, I ask myself what is the right answer, and the answer is there is no right answer I just have to trust my instincts, keep praying for inspiration and trust that I am brighton's mom for a reason.

worst purchase ever!

This is how I feel when I think of our situation right now. Did anyone ever buy a car that you have completely regretted afterwards? We have this jetta that for the first few years we owned it, it wasn't so bad. We bought it when we were poor college kids so obviously it was used. But I have had used cars before and they have been great. This particular car is a total dud.

After many trips to mechanic to keep it running we have been trying to sell it for the past 6 months, but it will not pass emissions. So we have been going back and forth sell it anywhere outside of spanish fork through ogden or try and trade it in, etc. We decided to sell it in logan where matts sister lives because you did not need emissions and it can pass safety.

Well last night our door bell rings and it is a police officer saying the sandy pd had called him to find out if we are going to register the car and where it is. We told him it was at big o tires just a few minutes from our house and we asked if anything was wrong. He had no idea. As soon as the kids were in bed matt drove over there we had a ticket for expired registration and perpendicular parking(what the crap is that?)The icing on the cake someone totally broke in the drivers side window, they stole nothing because there is nothing to steal. Now we have to replace that. AAAHHHH!!!

I hate this car. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Just had to get that off of my chest.

On the up side isn't this the cutest pic of my kids and their cousins on my side we took these a few months ago and I never posted them. CUTIES!

Honesty!

So I got this award from beck and now I have to tell 10 honest things about myself. Here we go.

1. I am constantly worried that I am pregnant. Just look in my bathroom at any given time and I will have a box of pregnancy tests just ready to be taken. Now don't worry mom I do want more kids just not right now.

2. I love my job. I look forward to going and hanging out with my co-workers ,oh and working. Really my job is busy, I just work for LDS family services as a receptionist. That is just a title I have answered more weird phone calls than I care to remember, listened to mom's cry about their children attempting suicide, deal with somewhat crazy people-my co-workers that is, found ph #'s for out of state parents for their children who are addicts and they can no longer take care of them, its insane but once again I love it.

3. I read constantly. I think it drives matt a little crazy how much I love to read. Right now at the library I have 3 books on hold and I will probably read those in a weeks time.

4. I sing to my kids. Really, I am always singing anything that comes to mind. I want my kids to love music as much as I do. My mom was awesome about this, always exposing my and my siblings to all different kinds of music. Right now I am listening to Across the Universe soundtrack, love it!

5. My main hobby is working out. Some people are crafty or do all kinds of amazing things and if I can think of one of the main things that I love to do day in and day out is working out! ha I rhymed.

6. I am always hot at night. I think I developed this since I have had kids. But seriously I sweat at night. I have horrible circulation and am cold any other time. but I can't wear warm clothing at night or I wake up and have to change because its too uncomfortable.

7. My leg is asleep right now.

8. I love holistic medicine. Now don't think I am some hippy who thinks that modern medicine doesn't work. I would have to say I am right in the middle. I think there are amazing things from both sides and that both types of medicine's working together can make you the healthiest.

9. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. Old neighbors, roomates, friends from high school, and family even. I try somewhat, I don't know what it is but it is just not a strong point of mine.

10. I am competitive. Play any game with me and you will see immediately that I want to win. I think I inherited this from my family. One time we were playing a game while one vacation and it was boys against girls and we got in so big of a fight that I didn't talk to my brothers for a couple of hours so I could cool down. Yikes! Oh and I was 18 at the time so I can't blame it on being a kid.

Hey that was fun. I nominate des, kim and kamilla do this. Oh and if nanon actually logs on sometime soon it would be cool to see hers too.

Is it a wake or awake?

As many of you know matt's dad passed away suddenly this summer. He was only 63, its crazy. I miss him.Well his birthday is tomorrow and so the whole bell clan is getting together on wed to celebrate his life and tell some stories. I am excited. It was hard to get to know him because he was such a private person, very private. In fact at his funeral I felt like I really learned more about him with the stories that were told than I did in the whole 6 1/2 years I have known him.

So we are all supposed to come up with a story to say about him and I am having the hardest time. I mean I can think of a few instances when we had family activities but nothing grounbreaking. This is actually something that plagues me, I have the worst memory. Matt can remember conversations, details, etc that I have no idea about. Is it bad that I don't remember a lot about him? I mean I was supposed to have 20-30 more years to get to know him so I didn't feel any kind of rush to find out about his childhood, job, etc. I feel like I took him for granted. With that being said I am just going to go with what I have and rely on others i.e. his actual children to get some good memories. Then I am going to write them down! I will inevitably forget them if I don't. So, I am looking forward to wednesday it will be sad, I know I will cry but it will be good to think about him again.

what are the odds?

Look at my amazing sister, and her cute little boy isaiah. She is beautiful inside and out. She has had so many health problems all relating to her digestive system. For years she tried so many different things but nothing worked. She could not go out to eat or rather just eat because everything made her sick. In turn she learned to cook with alternative foods. She is an amazing cook and so she has developed a cook book. You can buy it at the greensmoothiegirl.com, or rather her blog, there is a link on the website. Now I titled this "what are the odds" because this is the girl who when we were growing up thought that 2 3/4 cup of flour meant that you add 1 1/2 c you know like adding 3/4 c two times--true story. But it just goes to show that anyone can cook if you take the time to learn. She is all gluten free right now and will probably be writing a gluten free book as well. I am most looking forward to that one. She uses alternative to sugar, wheat, butter, etc. Now she is, obviously, a mother so her recipes aren't that intense and time consuming. I just wanted everyone to know how proud I am of her she takes risks and tries so many different things I never would have the guts to do. Good Job Des!

Training to be a Yogi!

Okay so I am not really a yogi, nor do I profess to be really good at it. But I will say that since my back has been really bugging as of late I have picked it up once again. Just a good 20-30 min a day has made all the difference. After I had ez my back was really bothering me, like I am sitting there nursing him and it was like searing pain in my back. I finally went and had acupunture and chiropratic services done but they would only alleviate the problem. I finally had an MRI done and I have a bulging disc in my vertebrae that is pinching 2 nerves. Now it really sounds worse than it is. I don't have to take any pain medication or really do anything except for stay in shape. But sometimes, like 2 months ago, I overdid it with something-I don't really know what it was-but the pain came back. Well after doing yoga and going back to the chiroprator I can say now that I am in the clear. I am so grateful that this really is my only health problem compare to so many who have so many worse things to deal with. So if you really want to know my opinion on yoga it works miracles!

*****Side note****I found this picture when I googled yoga and all I can say is what the crap?

I'm sorry mommy

Okay so anyone ever feel inadequate as a mom? and no this is not me fishing for compliments, I know that I don't totally suck all the time its just one of those days you know? Brighton came home from school all ornery or maybe it was just me vacumning the house as soon as he got home-he gets all crazy when the vacumn is on I think it overstimulates his senses just another lovely byproduct of sensory integration- so he is teasing ezra constantly. Then he gets on the spiderman costume and becomes the crime fighting superheroe that is only kicking or hitting me or ez. AAAHH!! Okay so now would be a good time to insert where I really need to work on-PATIENCE. I guess we all need a little more patience but after he hit ez for the last time I literally wrestled the costume off of him and took him upstairs for a timeout only too see what took him so long to go to the bathroom. A full toilet of toilet paper with pee on top of it. So yea I don't get the logic with toilet paper before the pee, but whatever like I was really so concerned with that. So I totally spanked him. Wow, do I feel guilty or what. Not that I am totally against spanking but I am against it when you are out of control and I know I was at that point. But I didn't stop there I make him clean out the toilet the whole time I am yelling at him about not touching the toilet paper unless it is needed. Then I tell him I don't want to see him right then and make him go in his room because this is where reasoning finally came into play and I knew I needed to calm down. We ended this whole episode with me holding bri while he is still bawling saying "I'm sorry mommy" over and over. I know I handled this situation inappropriately and I think now if I only would have just played with him it probably would have turned out a lot better. But once again its just one of those days.

I hate it when...

Okay so at the mall today buying some much needed hair products--poor matt no hair paste makes for some very poofy hair for him. Then I am asking about the on sale products for me, of course, then comes over another way too pushy sales lady that is not even listening to me for what I am asking for. Case in point

me- hey out of these on sale products what will give me definition to my almost always frizzy curls?

saleslady-Oh well here is the best-some obvious gushing-product its not on sale but it is outright the best!

me-okay-pick up product-but keep looking-meanwhile ask a few more questions. She is still recommending items that are not on sale. How can I make this more clear to her? Oh right blatantly do not get the products she recommended.

sl-oh well these products almost never go on sale

me-thanks for the tip but all I really need is some stuff for my husband

sl-oh well you can sign up for are preferred customers program that right now is only 9.95 instead of 19.95 a month-blah blah blah(my kids are going crazy at this point)

me-cut her off, thanks but this is not something I really need. Can I just get the things that I have right now?

sl-of course(all sweet and syrupy that makes me want pull her too perfect hair) but if you got the preferred customer right now blah blah blah. while ringing me up of course because she can tell at this point I am losing my patience.

me-well I don't ever shop here so this is not something I really need. HA! Take that I will never go there again! Unless of course they have what I need on sale.

On the bright side here is a way cute pic of bri on his first day of preschool.

I kinda broke the sink..but fixed it at the same time!

Okay so along with all of the million things my husband has to do, I have been pestering to fix our upstairs bathroom sink for I swear a year. Of course its on the bottom of the list and him being the super busy manly man that he is never got around to it. So in cleaning the bathroom a few days ago I could not get the stupid thing clean, because it takes forever to drain so it gets super dirty really fast. AAHHH!!! I wanted to scream, seriously this house makes me want to scream sometimes. So in my mindless rage(cleaning rage that is) I grabbed matts tools and grabbed one them (do not ask me what it was, maybe it was some kind of wrench) and broke the stopper off and proceeded to clean and gag while cleaning out all the gunk stopping it from draining. Yuck! I then calmly put back the stopper(it still kind of works). Wow it got a little heated there. So there is my story of breaking the sink but really I fixed it.

gotta love diets and movies...

Okay so I am not good at diets, never have been. When I try to limit the food thats all I can think about and it consumes way too much of my time. But, this diet is not for me, it is for my little guy Bri. Our DAN(defeat autism now) doctor said he was 50/50 on for bri to be on a gluten/casein/soy free diet. Now what is gluten, anything made with wheat, casein is any dairy or whey product. So now I think what can we eat? Fruits, veggies, meat, corn, rice, nuts and oatmeal--just make sure that its not processed with wheat which most are. Well I have been going back and forth on this limiting what foods a kid can eat can be tricky, especially ones that are good for you such as 100% whole wheat are super important in a normal kid they provide essential b vitamins that are hard to get from anything else. Although, bri is on a ton of supplements to cover all the things that he would be missing. But I have come to the conclusion if I don't do this I am not doing everything in my power to help brighton. So here I am putting a deadline, we are going totally GFCF and soy free as of october. I can do this, I know I can. Okay maybe I am little nervous here. But this might make the difference between him being able to be pulled off the spectrum or it might not but either way I am going to try. So wish me luck!

On another note, kind of related to food but not at all related to what I was talking about before I got to go see a great movie with my mother-in law beth yesterday. I loved it, thanks beth for going with me! Since I love to cook, this movie made me want to start cooking some amazing french recipe but back to life and reality I do not have the time or the money to do so. But watching this movie was almost as good. I definetely recommend it.

a day in the life of the bells

Okay so I don't feel like anyone should be super interested in what my family and I do all day but I thought it might be kind of fun to do a pic diary of a normal day for us so....



I try to get up in the morning to workout, but no such luck today. I was way tired I stayed up until 1 in the morning to finish reading a dang good book The Shape of Mercy. way good. Breakfast. yum. ez loves fruit with cereal and soymilk. I have to have scrambled eggs with toast and fruit or cereal. Bri is cereal all the way!

After rushing to get ready, strapping the kiddos in the car we are off to ogden. Only to get stuck in traffic, yuck! Can you see the semi's behind me. Oh I forgot to get ez's pic in the car lately he loves to hold a baby while we are driving.

Yay! Clothes that I bought off of some lady in ogden for dirt cheap from an ad off of KSL. LOVE KSL!

Got too visit a dang good friend Jill! She has the cutest baby but of course she was asleep. They have chickens, horses and mules. Well at least their landlord does. So the bri got to pick an egg. He was so excited. Of course he broke it before we left, oh well.

Finish writing the primary program. No that is not my handwriting I had some of the kids write down what they might say, cute huh.


SLEEP!!!

Wake up!Act like a lion for awhile in the crib.
Then onto dinner. Anyone else do this? I stirfry a bunch of veggies on hand throw some yoshida's on there. Have with some jasmine rice. Yummy.
Water the garden and the yard. Yes that is basil right there. I will forever grown basil in my garden now its so easy and I love basil.

Eat half of a choclate dunford donut. I am addicted to those right now. Oh and bathtime.
Matt got home somewhere around here.

Snack before bed. Love peaches and strawberries.
Supplements as always

Reading books.

Phew, kids are in bed. Some time to myself. Decide to read a great book recommended by a friend. Sleep, finally.

Flowerama--ha ha I really used to work there

Okay so awhile back I did a floral design class given by the rose shop(they have amazing flowers). I never posted the pics and just barely got them downloaded so here we go. Seriously if I have one hobby that I can think of it would be working with flowers, I love it. I love the different colors, shapes, textures, etc.

When I think of flowers it makes me happy, it reminds of this beautiful earth we live on and how there is so much to enjoy. It makes me want to travel and see all there is too see. As that will have to wait for right now as we have lots of other things going on in our lives flowers will suffice for right now. Hmmm... and who said that I couldn't relate flowers to traveling?

Oh and my sister, des inspired this one. This is what I gave to brighton's preschool teachers for a thank you at the end of the year. Seriously, it was sooo easy. I think if I have to make a gift again for someone I will do this.